The Soul Work of February

Like the Februarys that came before it, this one taught me the lengths to which I am capable of mothering when sick. Also like the previous Februarys three of us were sick, and the one who never gets sick kept it all together. He should get overtime in February.

February taught me that even at my old age of thirty-two (really, it feels old some days) I am capable of learning new things and contributing in new places. Sometimes I feel like my brain is closed and incapable of absorbing new thought patterns or skills (thanks, kids) but really, it’s not. It’s just different muscles that are out of practice and it’s up to me to practice them. 

February showed me places where my identity was wrapped up in things where it shouldn’t have been. I learned that when serving becomes part of our identity, you’re serving yourself in a way and it becomes less about the thing you’re doing and more about you. That was a hard thing to learn but a relief to know I’m not the only one who has made it about me.

February reminded me to seek the places where I know God will meet me. He is always in airports, on airplanes and he is always in big rooms where no one knows me but Him. He always shows.

February made me mad. February made me tired. February was short, and I’m glad we had an extra day of it. February was pretty Februaryey. 

February made it difficult to be content. I wanted more snow days, it to be summer, to feel better, to have more down time, to sleep more, to have more money, to have less stuff, to live in a new house, to redecorate ours. I wanted to buy a new couch. I wanted to be places I wasn’t, with people who weren’t and with things I didn’t.

February brought me face to face with unfavorable opinions, misunderstandings and things I didn’t like to hear. February brought the beginning of growth. February brought the beginning of change. February brought good things in the form of discomfort.

February brought me face to face with people who consistently show up for me even when I don’t deserve it. February showed me people that love me. February showed me people that will call, text or show up just because they can. February was filled with love in all of its glorious forms.

February reminded me that even though I can’t sleep, eventually I will. February reminded me that even when I am exhausted, I can continue.

February was soul work.

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